The 12 Days of Christmas
by SSBFreak
Summary: Nadir holds a special presentation for everyone, with predictable results...


Author's notes: This fic is actually a remake of a fic that I had put up here about two years ago. The only problem with it was that it was script-format, so it was deleted. Hopefully, this version will stay up because of the normal format.

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On a cold, snowy night in December, the people of Budehuc Castle had spent most of their day outside, which meant that everyone was extremely grateful when Nadir had announced that he would be putting on a special presentation in the tavern that night. Everyone ended up showing, swamping the tavern. Anne couldn't remember the last time she was so busy. There WERE a select few people absent from the huge group of people, but that was just because Nadir had included them in the presentation.

Eventually, it was getting close to showtime and everyone had taken his or her seats throughout the tavern. A few of the stars of destiny exchanged words as they waited for the presentation to start.

"How the heck do you think Nadir got Leo to agree to this?" Chris asked Salome.

Salome shrugged. "I haven't the slightest clue, Lady Chris." He replied.

Lilly smirked and folded her arms. "Well, I'm mainly looking forward to seeing Reed make a fool of himself in front of everyone. That will certainly make people agree with me." She said confidently.

Kathy shook her head and looked at the person next to her. "Is she ALWAYS this cruel to Reed when he's not around?"

Samus sighed. "You have no idea." He replied.

Suddenly, everyone saw Nadir walk up onto the stage, wringing his hands nervously. Sensing that something was up, everyone quieted down to hear what the strange producer had to say.

"Um…Excuse me, everyone." Nadir said with hesitation. "I really appreciate all of you coming out tonight. We had originally planned to do 'The 12 Days of Christmas', but we appear to have run into a small snag."

The audience was silent with anticipation.

"It seems that no one in the presentation knows the lyrics for the blasted song."

"WHAT!" Everyone shouted as one, making Nadir jump.

Nadir quickly regained his composure and smoothed out his suit. "However, I do have good news. We know how the song goes, so we've decided to make up our own lyrics, so it shouldn't pose too much of a problem!"

The masked man waved his arms towards the curtain. "So, without further delay, 'The 12 Days of Christmas'." He said as he left the stage.

Everyone in the tavern started clapping as Gordon stepped onto the stage. Walking to the middle of the stage, the Item Shop owner bowed once, then continued on towards a piano that was sitting at the side of the stage.

Gordon silently sat down on the piano bench. He then folded his fingers and pushed them out, resulting in a huge, loud, painful-sounding crack. Several of the audience members winced at the sight (and sound) of Gordon cracking his knuckles.

(Note to self: Never do that again.) Gordon thought painfully. He nodded to Melville and Alanis, both of whom were standing at either side of the stage, preparing to open the curtains. Gordon then started playing the familiar tune on the piano, swaying his head to the melody.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…" Gordon sang, trailing off at the end.

Melville and Alanis quickly pulled their respective ropes, opening the curtain. The audience saw a six-foot, cardboard tree sitting in the middle of the stage. Sitting on one of the tope branches, arms folded, was Gau. He didn't look very pleased.

"…A Kobold in a pear tree!" Gordon finished.

The curtains quickly closed again, shutting Gau out from the audience.

"On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…" Gordon sang.

The curtains opened again, showing Dios on stage to the right of the tree (which Gau was still sitting in). Standing behind him were both the Vikis.

"Two teleporters!" Dios sang.

The elder Viki looked around, confused as usual. "What's going on? Where am I?"

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Gordon and Dios sang as one.

Gau was silent for a few seconds. "…I little help?" He asked.

The curtain shut again as Gordon continued the song.

"On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…"

The curtain opened, showing Reed on stage, holding three boots in his arms.

"Three leather boots!" Reed sang.

Dios looked across the stage with a weird expression. "Three? Who's gonna get THREE boots?" He asked.

"Hey, now. You took 'two' and I had to find SOMETHING on such short notice." Reed sighed.

Dios suddenly snapped to attention. "Uh…Two teleoporters!"

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" This time it was sung bay Gordon, Dios and Reed.

"No seriously." Gau said. "I can't get down."

Once again, the curtains closed.

"On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…" Gordon continued alone.

Once the curtains opened, everyone saw Leo standing on stage, holding two mugs of beverage in each hand.

"Four mugs of sake!" Leo sang happily.

"Three leather boots!" Reed continued.

"Two teleoperts!" Dios added.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" This time, Leo joined in the singing.

"When I agreed to do this stupid this, I didn't realize this was all they need me for!" Gau shouted, waving his arms in the air.

The curtains closed again, leaving the audience staring in silence.

"Well, at least we know why Leo agreed to do this." Borus said.

"Somehow, I'm not surprised." Roland sighed.

"On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…"

The curtains opened. Ace jumped into the air, shoving a sign into the air with both his hands. On it were five poorly-drawn pictures of runes. He took an incredibly deep breath.

"FIIIIVE LIGHTNIIIIIIIIING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES!" Ace belted.

"Four mugs of sake!" Leo said before taking a sip of one of his drinks.

"Three leather boots." Reed said, stepping a few inches away from Ace.

"Two teleporters!" Dios sang.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Gordon, Dios, Reed, Leo and Ace all sang at once.

Gau started struggling to get down, but found that he couldn't. "This is inhumane! They hot-glued me to this tree!"

The curtain once again shut on the frenzied Kobold.

"On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…"

The curtains reopened, showing Barts on stage, juggling six tomatoes.

"Six ripe tomatoes!" Barts sang. A juggling ball suddenly flew from the audience and nailed him in the forehead. Apparently, Toppo didn't like the farmer stealing his act.

Ace took another deep breath. "FIIIIVE LIGHTNIIIIIIIIING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES!" He screamed (in a very off-key note), pumping his sign into the air.

"Four mugs of sake!" Leo sang.

"Three leather boots!" Reed continued.

"Two teleporters." Dios sang as he looked back and saw the younger Viki's eye starting to twitch at the elder's constant rambling.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Almost everyone on stage sang.

Gau angrily pointed his index finger into the crowd. "Duke! You were in on this, weren't you!" He shouted. "When I get my hands on you-"

Luckily for Duke, the curtains were closed before Gau could say anything further.

"On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…"

The curtains opened as everyone in the audience did a double take. It wasn't because of who was now on the stage, but rather what he was wearing.

"Seven dead fish!" Landis, dressed in Reed's outfit, announced, holding the smelly fish into the air.

"Six ripe tomatoes!" Barts, now dressed in Dios' uniform, sang.

Ace, now wearing Landis' outfit, took another deep breath. "FIIIIVE LIGHTNIIIIIIIIING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES!" He screamed.

"Four mugs of sake!" Leo, dressed in Barts' outfit (which was about two sizes too small for him), sang.

"Three leather boots!" Reed continued, showing off Ace's outfit.

"Two teleporters!" Dios was now wearing Leo's armour.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Everyone sang quickly.

Before Gau could add his two cents, the curtains closed quicker than usual.

The audience continued to stare in silence.

"Nadir has finally stepped off the dock." Queen sighed.

"I thought he already had when we did that 'Romeo and Juliet' play." Lucia looked at her.

"Don't remind me."

"On the eighth day of Christmas," Gordon sang. "my true love gave to me…"

Once the curtain opened, everyone was now dressed in normal attire (much to everyone's relief).

"Eight rabid rabbits!" Mamie sang, four squirming rabbits by the ears in each hand.

"Seven dead fish!" Landis sang proudly.

"Six ripe tomatoes." Barts continued, taking a couple steps away from the smell producing from Landis' fish.

"FIIIIVE LIGHTNIIIIIIIIING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES!" Ace belted, taking an even deeper breath at the beginning.

"Four mugsh of shake!" Leo slurred before taking another drink.

"Three leather boots!" Reed sang.

"Two teleporters." Dios again looked over his shoulder.

Everyone quickly saw the younger Viki tackled the older one to the ground in psychotic fury. The elder one, as usual, remained oblivious.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Everyone sang, waving one hand at Gau.

"I'm really getting sick of these stupid pear trees…" Gau muttered just before the curtains closed on him again.

"This is starting to get silly…" Duke shook his head.

"I like it." Hugo piped up. Everyone looked at him strangely.

"On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…"

The curtains opened again.

Everyone saw Shabon on stage, sitting on a huge sack floating at least three feet in the air. "Nine pounds of Furrfly!" She sang happily as she floated around the stage.

"Eight rabid rabbits!" Mamie sang, almost unaware that the rabbits in her hands were trying to kill her.

"Seven dead fish!" Landis said as he slapped Barts across the face with one of his fish.

"Six ripe tomatoes!" Barts sang as he grabbed one of Landis' fish and slapped him back.

Ace was looking tired, but inhaled deeply. "FIIIIVE…" He took another breath. "…LIGHTNIIIIIIIIING…" He took a third breath, almost like he was wheezing at the same time. "…RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES!…Oy."

Leo wobbled in place. "F-Four mugsh of sh-shake!"

Reed again backed away from the drunk knight. "Three leather boots."

"Two teleporters!" Dios sang, not looking at the fistfight going on behind him.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Everyone sang.

"Why couldn't they have picked Muto. I sure he would LOVE to do this…" Gau muttered again.

Once the curtains closed, Gordon started playing amazingly fast and started singing a new part of the song.

"What's a Kobold? What's a pear tree? I don't know, so please don't ask me!" Gordon sang. "But I can bet that those are terrible gifts to get!"

Gordon quickly reached beside him and grabbed the nozzle on a tank of helium sitting beside him. He quickly inhaled some helium and continued playing fast.

"On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…" Gordon, now with an extremely high-pitched voice, sang.

The curtain opened and everyone saw a tank of helium sitting next to all of the other singers on the stage.

"Ten tanks of helium!" Emily, also with a chipmunk voice, sang.

"Nine pounds of Furrfly!" Shabon sang, a higher voice than usual.

"Eight rabid rabbits!" Mamie sang, also sounding like a chipmunk.

"Seven dead fish!" Landis the chipmunk-voiced Winghorde sang.

"Six rip tomatoes!" Barts sang with his newfound high voice.

"FIIIIVE LIGHTNIIIIIIIIING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES!" Ace sang quickly, his new voice speeding him up a little.

"Four mugs of sake!" Everyone stared strangely at Leo's chipmunk voice, which sounded extremely weird.

"Three leather boots!" By now, not a lot of people were surprised at the chipmunk voice coming from Reed.

"Two teleporters!" The same went for Dios.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Everyone sang in his or her high-pitched voice.

The curtains abruptly closed before Gau could object. The audience was once again rendered speechless.

"I don't know what's stranger." Percival said, shaking his head. "Leo dressed as Barts or Leo sounding like a chipmunk."

"On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…" Gordon sang, the effects of the helium worn off by now.

The curtains opened again, this time showing a very distinctive figure on stage with the rest of the gang.

"Eleven thousand potch!" Guillaume sang. Koroku leapt onto the stage and started attacking his leg.

"Ten tanks of helium!" Emily sang, in her normal voice.

"Nine pounds of Furrfly!" Shabon sang as she gripped the sack holding her off the ground for dear life.

"Eight rabid rabbits!" By now, the rabbits had given up their struggling and had fallen asleep.

"Seven dead fish!" Landis sang, whacking Barts with another fish.

"Six ripe tomatoes." Barts sang, rubbing his head and glaring at Landis.

"FIIIIVE LIGHTNIIIIIIIIING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNES!" Ace screamed. He then started coughing.

Leo faced an entirely different direction, thinking he was facing the crowd. "F-F-Four mugsh of shake!" He slurred.

"Three leather boots!" Reed sang.

"Two teleporters!" Dios said. Young Viki's staff ricocheted off his head.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Everyone sang.

"I've had it with these pear trees!" Gau screamed. "Down with pear trees!"

The curtains closed as Gordon started playing a little more dramatically, showing that the song was almost over.

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…" Gordon sang.

The curtains opened. Beecham was now on stage. He unrolled several scrolls and held them up for all to see.

"Twelve Flaming Arrows!" Beecham sang.

"Eleven thousand potch!" Guillaume said, trying to shake Koroku off his leg.

"Ten tanks of helium!" Emily sang, easily lifting two of the tanks into the air.

"Nine pounds of Furrfly!" Shabon said before she slipped from the bag in the air and landed on her back.

"Eight rabid rabbits!" Mamie sang, oblivious to the snoring coming from the rabbits she was holding.

"Seven dead fish!" Landis said as he and Barts were now having a fish-fight. He whacked the farmer over the head several times with a fish.

"Six ripe tomatoes!" Barts sang as he retaliated with some fish-whacking of his own.

"FIIIIVE…LIGHTNIIIIIIIIING…" Ace breathed in. "…RUUUUUUUUuuu…" That was too much for Ace to handle, as the mercenary has passed out mid-sentence.

"F-F-Four m-m-mugsh of sa-" Leo slurred. He was cut off when he staggered forward and fell off the stage.

"Three leather boots!" Reed sang as he kicked Ace in the side lightly to see if he would wake up.

"Two teleporters!" Dios sang.

"And a Kobold in a pear tree!" Everyone (except Ace and Leo, obviously) sang, finishing the song.

As soon as Gordon played the last note in the song, he stood up and took a bow. Everyone sat in silence. The tavern was so quiet that people could hear crickets chirping.

Everything was quiet until the elder Viki suddenly felt a sneeze coming on. "Ah…Ah!"

The younger Viki's eyes sprang open. "No! Don't do it, you fool!"

Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do. The elder Viki sneezed, blinding everyone in a bright, white light. A second later and the light cleared, and when it did, everyone saw that the stage was completely empty. The only evidence that anyone was there was the cardboard tree Gau had been previously sitting in, which promptly fell forward.

Nadir slowly came out onto the stage and looked into the crowd nervously. "Well…Wasn't that a great presentation, folks?" He asked hopefully.

A tomato quickly splattered against the director's face.

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Just outside of Celeria was a large tree. This tree, normally bare, was suddenly filled again. But rather than leaves, the tree was filled with all of the people in the presentation that had vanished when elder Viki had sneezed.

Well, almost all of the people.

Gau, standing on the ground safely, laughed at everyone stuck in the tree. "Ha! NOW do you guys know how humiliating it is to be stuck in a tree?"

END


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